Kirkepiscatoid

More versicles:

V. From our enemies defend us, O Christ;
R. Graciously behold our afflictions.
V. With pity behold the sorrows of our hearts;
R. Mercifully forgive the sins of thy people.

It’s the “beholds” that caught my attention.

These versicles ask God to behold our afflictions and the sorrows of our hearts. Not our good qualities. Not our love and affection or sense of good or our good works. Instead, we are bringing our doubts, our uncertainties, our woundedness, our brokenness to his altar to be held up in glory? Whoa.

To hold up the things that wound us to God, as if it is a gift, is a very difficult concept. It is something we tend to hide rather than ask God to behold. But I have the feeling the shame is ours, not God’s. It is another of those things that remind me of the story of one of my medical students who “came out of the closet.” I had a medical student once who came to my office. I think he was sort of getting ready to tell his parents he was gay, so he was sort of trying out the “coming out process” on other people in whom he had far less invested emotionally.

So he starts talking about all this, and he announces to me that he wanted me to know he was gay. I looked at him and said, “Uh, so? I hate to tell you this, but I sort of could tell that anyway.” He got this shocked look on his face. His so carefully hidden secret, KNOWN?

“Did anyone tell you?”

“No.”

“How did you know?”

“It’s hard to explain without going into stereotypes, but let’s put it this way. If you told me you WEREN’T gay, I’d have been more surprised.”

Well, that is probably the way it is with our afflictions and sorrows. We think we are hiding them so well. But I have a feeling if we beheld them to God, God goes, “Well, DUH...I knew that already. But I’m glad YOU know this and have brought them to me.”