Kirkepiscatoid

Today’s discussion is about humility. Humility comes from the same root word as “humus”--earth and “human.” She says that “Humility is the admission of God’s gifts to me and the acknowledgment that I have been given them for others.”

Reflection questions:

1. Do you consider yourself a humble person? Why or why not?

In some ways yes, in some ways no. My humble ways are characterized by the fact I “don’t put on airs,” I am comfortable in all sorts of settings, I am pretty good at making people feel good about themselves. Yeah, there is a little bluster and braggadocio to my external persona, but it doesn’t take too long to see that is a veneer, more or less designed to mask my own discomfort.

Where my humility breaks down is in two ways. Sometimes I can be a little on the um...pigheaded side. I have a capacity for resistance that is pretty strong. The other way it breaks down is in that first part of Joan Chittister’s statement. I am not very good at admitting and accepting the gifts that God has given to me. There are times I feel “not worthy.” That is not humility, that is false modesty in the form of feeling browbeaten and unworthy and in a sense, it is a form of arrogance. It sounds weird to call it “arrogance,” but if I am not displaying an accepting attitude of these gifts, I am saying I know better than God what it is I need...and that’s arrogance.

The real “back and forth” in my life is the dance between browbeaten and cocky. I am a person whose moods and attitudes are like a sine wave, cycling to the edges and shifting the other way almost rhythmically. The problem is, I live on the edges (browbeaten and cocky) for longer periods of time than I live in the middle. I can’t do much about the amplitude of the sine wave but I can stretch that wave out and make the slope from browbeaten to cocky and vice versa gentler, so I get more time in the middle. That’s my challenge!

2. Contemplate God’s gifts to you that might be used to others. Do you use them for others? If so, in what ways? If not, what stops you?

I do “better’n fair” at using my gifts but I am not terribly skilled at it. People tend to like to use me as a “sounding board.” People seem to sense I am a person of real affection coupled with a penchant for the direct. In other words, they trust I will call it as I see it even if it hurts them or me, yet I can mostly retain some degree of compassion and affection most of the time. (and the notable exceptions are, well, quite notable!) The other problem is, being a rural person through and through, there is that real business of “not calling attention to yourself” or “never really giving yourself your due, because it’s not polite” thing.

I enjoy the simple tasks of doing physical work at church. I display humility in that way b/c you generally don’t expect to see a physician mowing the grass, shoveling the sidewalk, or fixing the toilet...and having a good time with it! I do have one bugaboo with that, though—I sometimes get on my high horse when other people use it as a venue to “lord it over me like I’m the hired help.” There is one person in the church that I would like to clobber sometimes—starts talking to me like I’m the janitor, and it does get my nose out of joint because I think, “Well, who the hell are you to boss me around this way?” Some of that is my sense of humility being self-violated by me; but some of it is the realization that this IS how that person “talks to hired help” and I think I am not the only one who needs an attitude adjustment! That is one of those times I resort to the “Bless so-and-so; change me” prayer!

3. List people you know that are genuinely humble. What is it about them that you find attractive? What can you learn from them?

When I look at my list of “humble people”, I realize that, although they are markedly different personalities and have different skills and traits, they have some important commonalities. Each of them has lived through at least one “trial by fire” in his/her life that became a defining moment. The trial or trials shaped these people in a way that they could never have done themselves but had to be sheer grace. Each of them had to make a conscious decision to make a major attitude adjustment in his/herself. Each had to accept the fullness of God’s grace and each shows a degree of gratitude that is over and beyond “typical.” Each of them has been open with me in the sharing of our hearts, and despite there are characteristics of these people I would never want to take on (they all are a little strange in their own way—but then again, so am I!), there is a piece of their hearts that I look at and say, “Wow...I want me one of those.” It is a piece that I realize complements or supports my own.

But the flip side of this is that in each of those people, I also recognize there is a piece of my own heart that is a gift to THEM in some way. Some are very good at expressing this; some are not, but even in the ones that are not, their actions cause me to feel it. But it always strikes me as amazing that in these people who have a piece of their heart that I find lacking in myself, they find a piece of mine that makes THEM more whole. That is an incredibly...well...humbling thought!