Kirkepiscatoid

Random and not so random musings from a 5th generation NE Missourian who became a 1st generation Episcopalian. Let the good times roll!

Today’s readings talk about the “dailiness” of life—the business of getting up in the morning and doing your job b/c it is your responsibility, and that “dailiness” is the stuff of contemplation.

Reflection questions:

1. Make a lst of your daily responsibilities and commitments. What do you think of them? Do you think they feel like “the real stuff of contemplation”? Why or why not?

Oh, man, the entire list is too long for one reflection! But here’s the short list. I have responsibilities to my office, the patients that belong to the surgical path specimens and cytologies I get, four hospital labs in NE Missouri where I am medical director, my students and ATSU, my church as a member of the vestry, my friends and relatives, and somewhere in there I have to be responsible to ME, and somewhere in there I have to be responsible to GOD. Wow. That’s a long list.

I am “mostly ok” with these responsibilities but when two or more have issues simultaneously it is very stressful on me. More stressful than many people realize. I think most people see me as “multitasking well,” but what they do not see is how it starts to take “me” away from me, and that action also starts to take “me” away from focusing on God.

It is hard for me to see it as “the stuff of contemplation” because I tend to see it more as a distractor from contemplation. I think I need to get better at finding the peace inside all that chaos.

2. Do you ever “run away from life?” If so, what do you think makes you do that? What would be different if you ran TO life rather than AWAY from it?

Oh, I have “escape fantasies” but mostly I’m too hyper-responsible to really run away from the real meat of the responsibility. I am prone to little bouts of “pulling in my ears and hiding” at my place and just shutting out the world, but I don’t think I overdo it. I think the introverted parts of me need to hide sometimes and just be quiet—even to the point of hiding from my own extroverted parts!

3. Where do you “need to be?” Is it possible to go there and stay with joy? What would it take?

There is someplace I “need to be” but I don’t mean that in a geographic sense. That has been playing on me for a couple of months now. I have a pretty strong sense that this is the geographic place I need to be (not that I don’t have the occasional escape fantasy). But there is a place I need to be spiritually and I don’t know where it is, but I know I’m “not there yet.” For me to answer “what it would take” when I don’t even know where it is, is a very daunting task—near impossible. But I recognize it will take at the very least, more time just sitting with God. I don’t know if it’s possible to go there and stay with joy, but I do know that the more I work on sitting still with God, the longer I can stand to do it before it gets to feeling intense.

3 comments:

I really related to your answer to #2. I'm also a hyper-responsible introvert who can play extrovert as needed, and I always have to remind myself to honor the introvert's needs.

Well, and as I pointed out before, I am like 55% extrovert and 45% introvert, so I think the two halves sometimes struggle for "their time". The extrovert in me is so overpowering, so overshadowing at times, that the introvert has to dramatically close down for me to take notice!

Ah, I'm probably the opposite. I'd guess about 60 percent introvert, 40 percent extrovert. I think of it as the ongoing war between my two parents who were each at the extreme of the spectrum. Dad was the most extroverted person I ever met and Mom close to being the most introverted.

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Kirksville, Missouri, United States
I'm a longtime area resident of that quirky and wonderful place called Kirksville, MO and am wondering what God has hiding round the next corner in my life.

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